How can I become friends with a girl who helped my daughter really much?

About 1 year and a half ago that girl, then 13, got the key of her parent's car to have a joyride with her younger brother. Her parents gave her a really harsh punishment, though she wasn't a bad girl. That time I worked with her mom and since I lost a niece in accident involving a car driven by a minor, that thing made me mad and I even suggested her mom should be harsher. Following my suggestion, besides a kinda strict 3-month grounding (they took away even the clothes the girl liked) that led the girl to despair and community services, her parents forced her, with the agreement of the direction of her school, to send a circular email to all her school mates telling what she had done, how she had endangered her bro and other people lives and how severely she was being punished. That was intended as an example to the other kids. She never messed up again but got emotionally devastated, ended up going to another school cause she couldn't bear with that humiliation and her grades were dropping (she used to be an great student). Today, 2 years later, she hasn't got over, is still emotionally disturbed, hardly talk with her parents (the situation is terrible, though she's respectful).

By chance she got to know ny daughter who's dyslexic. She used to suffer a lot, had no close friend, many kids used to make fun of her. But they becomes friends though that girl knew she was my daughter and, of course, had a strong resentment towards me. This was wonderful for my daughrter, that girl was a great friend, helped her. made her gain self-esteem. Today I'm really grateful to her, she helped turned my daughter in a completely different person. I regret her punishment and what I did. I'm terribly sad about her situation with her parents that, it seems, will go to her adult years, so resentful she is. And this in part is my rseponsabilty.

I want to be her friend, tell her how grateful I am, help her to restablish a relantionship with her parents (if possible), based on love and trust. But she doesn't talk with me, avoids me, though she's my daughter friend. Refuses talking with me, all she says is good morning, good evening.

What can I do? is there any possibilty?How can I become friends with a girl who helped my daughter really much?
Her punishment was really extreme, imnsho, I would say even emotionally abusive, and if she is not ready to forgive the situation, you have to let her work it out in her own time. Do you know for sure that she knows about your involvement in her punishment increase? Have you talked about it before? If you know that she's angry with you, or that she believes you had something to do with her punishment, all you can do is ask for forgiveness.



If you are only guessing that you had something to do with the severity of her punishment, or that she resents you for it, I would not bring it up -even to apologize- unless she does. Be available to listen to her if she needs it, but don't dive in the middle of a difficult situation just so you can be friends with her. She sounds like she's able to have a friendship with your daughter without holding a grudge, maybe you're reading too much into her silence toward you. Maybe she doesn't have much trust for any adult or parental figure.



Continue to support your daughter's friendship with her, be nice and friendly to her, and be available to her if she needs an adult to talk to. Give her time to deal with her difficult situation, and a friendship may grow between you.How can I become friends with a girl who helped my daughter really much?
She is never going to be your friend. I hope you've learned your lesson about knee jerk reactions? The punishment dished out to this little girl, which you helped to instigate was absurd. She was 13 for goodness sake, and you were an adult and you acted spitefully. Have you read what you've written? Put yourself in this kids place, can you remember being 13? Remember how hard it was? How would you have reacted in her position, and don't say you wouldn't have done it in the first place, that's not what I'm asking you. You ruined her reputation, made sure everyone -absolutely everyone - who could be told was told. Wow you really went all out. You even said she wasn't really a bad kid, so why the extreme punishment?!! This is why they don't let judges sit on cases that have some emotional significance to them. Because they can't be objective. You punished this little girl for something someone else did. Alright bad stuff could have happened, but it didn't. There are reactions and then there are over-reactions and I think everyone here overreacted and now this poor kid has to live with the consequences of your spite. Think in the future, you may be ruining someones life, for spite.
This is a real tough situation that you are in. I would first and foremost go and talk to the girl and apologize for the past and thank her for her presence in her daughter's life. Tell her she's wonderful and that you feel horrible for what happened in the past.



You have to understand that you are not the person who implemented the punishment. I have younger brother and sisters in grade school and my parents constantly seek advice from their friends on certain issues including how should i punish my child for a certain action. everyone gives their advice...at the end of the day my parents sit together and decide what is appropriate for the child. They treat each child differently because they know how much their child can handle and not. so coming to the point, her parents should have known better! it's not ur fault. My friend's uncle died because of a drunk driver and she will cut all ties with a friend/relative if they get a dui or dwi- do u get my point. u did not cause this on her...unfortunatley it was her parents....i don't mean to blame them but it's true in thsi case.



they should have listened to you but at the same time they should have seen what would be the best course to take...they didn't HAVE to listen to you....u didn't put a gun to their head.



so again, approach her and please don't feel like your responsible for everything that came from that situation. you just gave ur advice - u by no means IMPLEMENTED it.